Spring is in the air! Ukrainian Girls
Thursday night, I received a message from a girl that I had started seeing about 6 month ago. She was the first girl I saw after my girlfriend left me last August. She is tall, lean, brunetka (like the Ukrainians say). Her body is insane if you like long, lean, no fat, thin hips, and beautiful bronze skin. She would come into my life and then out again, never staying more than a couple of weeks. In the beginning, I was open to having a long term relationship with her, but as time wore on, my desire to be with her waned. I also saw her with other people and I saw that she was selfish and self absorbed and not really open to the things I like to talk about.
I told you in January that she had come back into my life one more time, and I ended up hurting her when I told her I didn’t want to see her any more. Since she is a student at my school, I cannot avoid her. Just a couple of weeks ago, she saw me on skype and immediately started communicating with me.
Finally, on Thursday night, she found out about my back problem and let me know that she would help me if I will let her. She said she would take me to the doctor and take care of anything I needed. I told her I appreciated that, but my condition was improving. Then, the last message was a bombshell. She tried to write it in English, but I asked her to write it in Russian. I had to wait until Friday morning to have it translated properly and to get the complete sense, but what it said was, "I know that we don’t know each other that well, and I know that you are not into me that much right now, but our spirits know each other, and my spirit is waiting for your spirit to see that we are meant to be together.”
It was the most romantic thing any girl has ever said to me. I was moved to say the least. In fact, I am still moved even though my new, small girlfriend spent the night last night. I have no desire to get rid of this girl and go back to that one, but the thought is still there.
I’ve always prided myself on NOT being a player, and yet, I feel like one right now. I am not sleeping with both of them, and I am doing the best I can to NOT mislead any girl, but I don’t feel like I have been successful in my goal.
I am writing this to you as my little girlfriend is still sleeping and my oatmeal is boiling. I am happy she is here, and realize I am lucky to have her in my life. She is in her early 20s, and I can see that she is waiting and hoping for me to see that she would be a good life partner. I already know she would be a great wife, but I don’t believe she would be for me. For some reason, I just don’t have the willingness in my heart to try to make a long term relationship work with her. I cannot imagine myself raising a child with her, and I cannot imagine myself going through life and through life’s ups and downs with her.
Does that make me a bad guy?? That’s the question of the day. What is there for me to do next.
I thought, for once, I need to just be grateful and enjoy the moment. I need to enjoy the companionship and love that this girl is giving and I need to return her love as much as my heart, mind, and spirit would allow. And, yet, I have this little feeling in the back of my mind that tells me I have to have another conversation with her reminding her that this relationship has a 2 year shelf life – at most.
How can I say that?
I can only follow the overwhelming feeling in my heart that there is still someone else out there for me. I learned long ago to follow my heart above all things. I learned that my heart might lead me down difficult roads and difficult paths, but none of those paths would be the wrong path.
I can see that I have learn myriads of lessons from my previous love. In fact, the lessons are still coming to me daily. Many times, I have thought I would have preferred to have never gotten involved with her, but as I see the man that I continue to become, I realize that path was the right path for me and I remember my feeling of gratitude for having been in that relationship no matter how much pain it might have caused me. Anyway, it is Saturday morning, the sun is shining, and Spring is in the Air. Have a great weekend!!!